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all of us have dreams…the hilarious thing that we know that most of them won’t come true and if they will come true,they won’t be like we planned

about me,yes i’ve got a lot of dreams,i’m a dreamer…one day i asked myself about those dreams,asked if they fit me,fit my community,fit my life style,the answer was no but they fit my mind

i see myself in a great position,hmm i want to be a diplomatic and i also want to work in women organizations,they want me to be a doctor like my parents but no being a doctor is disgusting i will be always surrounded by blood if i will be a doctor..i want to defend my country and defend the women’s rights which are gone,being in such a position doesn’t fit a villager girl but i’m a villager girl with new thoughts.

I’m afraid to find these dreams damaged one day i’ll really be shocked,i tell myself that i don’t achieve my dream now to get the first rank so how will i do what i want (i want to travel ,meet new people “includng demi lovato and one direction band”:D,and to be a diplomatic etc )

these things need a lot money and a lot of principles for not changing my arab traditions,i know and i’ll work so hard  to make those dreams realities

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They say that it is hard to live without a best friend in the real life but i say that it is the best feeling ever..

I had a best friend before ,she is my classmate but when i grew up i suddenly found that we don’t think like each others and we were friends just because we grew up finding ourselves sitting in the same class desk

she is so religious and i find her away from our most funny moments and sometimes considering those moments sins and even when we listen to music she sits away from us..but me i’m different,i joke a lot and i’m also religious but i think that being religious is for yourself not for the others ,she even sometimes shows me that she is not religious she is like the people who she belongs to (the Islamists) they are away from our amazing religion may be they pray and are near to allah but they have mad principles, they think about nothing but what the women should do they want to make them useless,islam didn’t say this it gave the women their rights and they are the main reason of hating Muslims in the other countries  .

i’ve tried to be a friend of the other girls in our class but we didn’t like each others so i became away and it is better but guess what ? i’ve found best friends on the internet ,they are better than the best friends in the real life

they are from another countries but i feel that they are near to me and my heart ,i tell them my secrets and they do this too,there are a lot of friends in my friends lists but they are my favorites,giovanna and try i love you so much girls,you are reading now and i want you to know that one day i really want to meet you Xx

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My weight

Before writing this post i was really hesitant..but i suddenly decided that i would

My weight, a problem which has never ended,aww i forgot it stopped for just some months

i was fat when i was young ,i was always bullied because of being fat (at  school-streets-shops-even at home) the part which i really can’t forget was walking in streets where i was told bad words and treated badly from people who are idiots they really don’t respect anyone , it hurt me a lot while i was walking with my friends i always felt that i was strange and it embarrassed me a lot,i didn’t object or stay at home without going out because i was still young and when i heard their bad words i went on eating and didn’t stop

until i became 12 years old and i was about to explode from being fat and one day after finishing my exams of that year my mum suddenly told me that i was going to go to a diet doctor who is her close friend at the beginning i didn’t like going there i was just forced but when i stood up on the scale i realized that i really had to lose weight..it was an exciting summer i bear a lot of hard times until that summer finished and i got a new look ..everyone was amazed of what i did and finally for the first time i went to the clothes store with confidence and bought what i wanted,i nwas so proud of what i did and that meant a lot for me

the days passed and the school came and it made me away from diet i couldn’t bear studying days with courses after school with such food i gained weight again but not a lot (that was last year) and when the summer came i went back to the doctor and lost weight again

_This year_

i consider it one of my worst years..now i’m fatter than any time ever and the cause is the school because i stood awake all nigh to study so i ate and drank nescafe a lot and honestly ate sweets like my friends but they don’t gain weight  and this summer came and now i hate looking at the mirror because i see an ugly girl who lost her beauty because of the food addiction..now i’m away from people ..those mad creatures who make me feel strange because of my weight and i even don’t go out a lot to not to be seen s a strange girl,I’m hurt..i hate myself,my doctor always came home to ask me to go back to her but i was completely depressed and i’m still but now i went back to her but i went too late i want a new life but i think that all what i need is the inspiration which is really not available in my life…i hope to write another post after some months saying that i lost weight

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Tomorrow is the first day in Ramadam..I like this month i consider it the best month in each year but this year i’m really not feeling it not feeling the happiness before it also not feeling our amazing traditions n it (decorating the streets-buying its special food-buying the lanterns) i even didn’t call the people who i know to say “ramadan mubarak” like every year..i may not be feeling it because the happiness of such events decreases when we grow up..anyway it seems that i will fast this year without the happiness of it and without enjoying even the best part of the day during praying altarawih time while walking in the markets for buying  (eidulfitr)’s clothes(an islamic feast after ramadan,it seems also that i won’t enjoy it Xx

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my first post

This is the first time to have a blog ever..i’ve started thinking about creating a blog because i think that i will write whatever i want without blaming i know that may be noone is going to see it but at least i’ll be free here 

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